Things I'm Not Fixing About Myself This Year

Wellness culture has this whole list of things you're supposed to "work on" — your need for routine, your social battery, the way you take things literally, all of it. And every January, there's this pressure to somehow become a different person who doesn't need those "crutches" anymore. But here's the thing: what if those traits aren't actually problems? What if they're just how your nervous system operates, and trying to fix them is causing way more issues than just accepting them would? This year, we're done fighting our own wiring, bb.

Traits Wellness Culture Says Are "Broken"

Let's get real about what you've been told needs fixing — because most of it is just neurodivergent traits being pathologized. From a forensic psychology perspective, we've been socialized to view anything outside neurotypical norms as a deficit that requires correction. But your brain isn't defective, it's just different.

The "flaws" you've probably been trying to fix:

• Need for routine and sameness — You get stressed when plans change suddenly, and people act like you're being inflexible
• Sensory sensitivities — Certain textures, sounds, or lights are genuinely painful, not just "preferences"
• Social battery limitations — You can't do back-to-back social events without completely shutting down
• Taking things literally — You miss sarcasm sometimes and people treat it like a comprehension problem
• All-or-nothing thinking — You're either fully in or fully out, no middle ground

Sound familiar? Yeah, that's not a personality flaw list — that's literally just how AuDHD brains work.

These Aren't Character Flaws (They're Your Operating System)

These traits aren't things to overcome — they're features of your nervous system that need accommodation, not elimination. As a developer, I think about this like trying to run Windows software on a Mac. It's not that the Mac is broken because it can't run .exe files — it's just a different operating system that requires different approaches.

Trying to force yourself to "be more flexible" or "push through" sensory overload or "just be more social" isn't personal growth — it's asking your brain to function in a way it fundamentally cannot. And when you keep trying anyway? That's when burnout happens. That's when the meltdowns and shutdowns increase. That's when everything gets worse, not better.

Accommodating these traits isn't giving up. It's working WITH your brain instead of constantly battling it.

What to Do Instead

Build systems that work with these traits, not against them. This means:

• Keeping the same routines because they reduce cognitive load (not because you're "stuck in your ways")
• Declining social events when your battery is empty (not forcing yourself to "be more outgoing")
• Asking for clarification when you're not sure if someone's joking (not pretending you got it)
• Letting yourself be all-in or all-out on projects (not trying to maintain some mythical "balance")

The goal isn't to become a different person. The goal is to stop treating your actual needs like character defects that require fixing. You're allowed to just be a person whose brain works differently.

Ready to stop fighting yourself and start working with what you've got? The Mental Load Audit helps you see what actually needs to change (spoiler: it's probably not you, it's your systems).