The Neurodivergent Alternative to Goal Setting

You know that New Year energy where you map out this whole elaborate plan — I'm talking color-coded spreadsheets and everything — and by January 12th you've already abandoned half of it and feel like a complete failure? Yeah, that's not a you problem, bb. Traditional goal-setting frameworks were literally built for brains that work nothing like ours, and then we're supposed to feel bad when they don't stick? Absolutely not. Here's what actually works when your executive function is more "vibes and chaos" than "systematic follow-through."

Why Traditional Goal Setting Fails ND Brains

Linear planning assumes you have consistent executive function. Spoiler: that's not how our brains operate, bestie. SMART goals sound great in theory (Specific! Measurable! Achievable! Relevant! Time-bound!) until your sensory system is completely overloaded on a Tuesday and suddenly "workout 4x per week" feels legitimately impossible.

The problem isn't your willpower or commitment. From a forensic psychology perspective, traditional goal-setting frameworks were built for neurotypical brains that can reliably access executive function on demand. When your brain's project manager randomly no-shows (which, same), rigid goals just become another thing to feel guilty about when you inevitably can't stick to them.

And then comes the shame spiral — the "why can't I just do the thing" breakdown that makes you feel like you're failing at being a functional human. Not fun, not productive, and definitely not setting you up for actual growth.

Values-Based Direction Instead of Goals

Instead of setting specific goals, pick a direction you want to move toward. This is the difference between "achieve X by Y date" (stressful, rigid, shame-inducing) and "move toward more of this feeling/experience" (flexible, forgiving, actually sustainable).

Here's what this looks like in practice:

• Instead of "meditate 20 minutes daily" → "Move toward less mental chaos"
• Instead of "meal prep every Sunday" → "Move toward easier dinnertime"
• Instead of "lose 15 pounds by March" → "Move toward feeling stronger in my body"

See the difference? The second version gives you like a million ways to get there. Maybe less mental chaos means five minutes of sitting in your car before going inside. Maybe easier dinnertime means keeping frozen pizza stocked (absolutely valid, by the way). You're moving in the right direction without the rigid parameters that set you up to "fail."

Flexible Systems Over Rigid Goals

Build accommodation into your plan from the start — not as a backup when things go wrong. As a developer, I think about this like building error-handling into code from the beginning rather than patching it later when everything breaks (because trust, it will break, that's just how systems work).

This means:

• Multiple pathways to the same outcome (if the gym doesn't happen, a walk counts)
• Permission to pivot when something isn't working (you're iterating, not failing)
• Systems that function even on low executive function days (the bar is literally on the floor and that's 100% intentional)

The goal isn't perfection — it's building something that actually works with your brain instead of against it.

Ready to identify what's actually draining your capacity before you set any new goals? The Mental Load Audit shows you where to start so you're not just adding more shit to an already-overloaded system.